Poetry by Ma Lan: Theatric Life 戏剧生活

Theatric Life

I.
This winter I put on a costume
Applied powder and paint
Those sad and beautiful things, I will surely meet them again.

I walk with my head down, afraid I will see who is my family
Because there has never been an ugly woman
Chicken feathers will all fly into the sky, no matter how many of the dead walk below

This is a war of self-defense
She is a mare, already tame, just waiting for a man to leap into
The obstacles ahead

But New York in winter, has not yet seen the snow fall
Only breezes blowing through skirts will be struck by something and end up fluttering into the dust

One cannot get free of the darkness to arrive at the morning, not only morning

II.
I stand between myself
Look at this cow not yet seduced
No fat, eyes level, groin curved, breasts just right

I stand between my legs
Whose machine am I?

I stand between my breasts
Love too hard, hard kung fu, hard against hard
No shape, so easily corrupted
Beneath the shadows, we just turn amidst recollections

In fact women have no scene

III.
This is a criminal act—you pull out my tooth
Mysterious woman, Indian doctor from afar
You know your philosophy, expert with steel instruments
A little more anesthetic, things and experience can get separated
Beneath the light
Outside the window is crisp air, and silent passersby

A molar will fall to the floor
On the road to elopement I step on a ball
My hand makes a cherry offering, oh little Xun
Dozens of highways boldly roll towards me
I cannot control my yearning
A dark blue cloak, head buried in my chest
So many past events pass away amidst waiting

I rapidly stare at today
This old tooth’s feelings were moved, and it learned to meow

But anesthetic understands pain, the two depend on each other
Struggling to pay their respects to the dead

IV
I raise my head, it’s the 42nd Street subway station
So you won’t see me for the rest of your life?

The crowd scatters in all directions, the clock bell sounds
This eloping woman’s heart, I lower my head
Blushing, my toes press tightly into a hole

Is your toothache better?
Southern dampness, a fog you couldn’t bite through

Wave his hand, turn the days
All the flowers have bloomed to death, facing him
This is real, under the shining sky and sun

Going out the door, facing forward, I still have my head down
Moving ahead, how old is the child?
She has been standing here for a whole lifetime
And still is not sleepy

V
That bridge between life and death
Was blown away by the wind, into who knows what dream it blew
Burned down by fire, but did the fire melt the water?

It’s not convenient for me to forget: to write a eulogy for you
My little Xun, we haven’t any news
Bear down hard with your jaws, gnaw this southern orange to nothing
This orange, now “forty with no more doubts”
This orange that debauched half its life away

Three hundred year landscape, ten thousand year body fat
Let me salute you with a fascist gesture
Once I kill you I’ll be a woman warrior

VI
Some worse things will come
Some more beautiful sadnesses will come
Some internal secret histories will be revealed
This is real, my little Xun
All of this is limited to you
It stops with you

My theatric life
Ming dynasty romance, prewar martial arts, republican revolution
Playing now, a matinee

June 2003, New Haven

戏剧生活

１：
我在这个冬天穿了一身的戏装
涂脂抹粉
那些忧伤而美丽的事物，我必将与他们重逢

我低头走路，生怕看见谁是我的家人
因为从来没有丑陋的女人
鸡毛全部会飞上天，不管地下有多少行尸走肉

这是一场自卫的战争
她是一匹母马，已被驯服，只等男人跨入
前面的障碍

可冬天的纽约，还没有看见下雪
只有一些风在裙子中穿行，要被什么击中，最终飘入尘土

一个人不能摆脱黑暗，抵达清晨，不仅仅是清晨

２：
我站在我自已之间
你看，这一头未被引诱的母牛
没有脂肪，眼晴平直、胯部弯曲，乳房适度

我站在我双腿之间
我是谁的机器？

我站在我双乳之间
爱情硬度过份，硬功夫，硬碰硬
没有形状，说腐败就腐败了
在阴影之下，我们只有在追忆中转动

其实女人没有现场


３

这是一种现刑犯的举止，你拨出我的牙齿
神秘，遥远的印度女医
你精通哲学，熟悉铁器
再加点麻药，事物和经验会被分开
灯光下
窗外是清脆的空气，安静的行人

一颗大牙要落地了
我在私奔的道上，脚踏皮球
手祭红樱桃，我的小迅呵
几十条公路，勇敢地滚滚而来
我无法控制我的想念
一件青衣，埋头于胸
许多往事在等候中过去了

我飞快地注视今天
这颗老牙在感动，以及学会猫叫

而麻药了解疼痛，两者相依为命
争着向死者深深致意

４
抬起头来，在四十二街地铁站
你就一辈子不看我了吗？

人群四处散开，钟声在响
这颗私奔的妇人心，低头
脸红，脚指头正紧逼一个地洞

你的牙痛好点？
南方的潮湿，雾气，牙齿咬不断

摇他的手，转动日子
所有的花都开败了，对着他
这是真的，光天化日之下

走出门，正面，我仍然低头
朝前，这孩子多大了
她站在这儿已经一生一世
还没有睡意

５
生死之间的那座桥
被风吹走，不知风朝哪个梦里吹
被火烧掉，不知火是否溶化了水

我不便遗忘，为你写下掉词
我的小迅，我们音讯全无
请咬紧牙关，啃完这南方的桔子
这只四十不惑的桔子
这只放荡了半生的桔子

三百年的山水，万年的脂肪
请允许我向你敬礼，用法西斯的手势
杀你之后，我就成为女英雄

６

一些更坏的事情要来
一些更美的忧郁要来
一些内部的秘史要透露
这是真的，我的小迅
这一切仅限于你
止于你

我的戏剧生活
明代的风月，民国的武打，共和国的革命
正在演出，午夜场

2003，6．纽黑纹